Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 10

It seems that my brain is dead in both the evening and in the morning because no matter which time out of the two that I choose to type a blog I just do not seem to know where to start because I am feeling like a bit of zombie craving some brains..

mmmm brains!

I think I redeemed myself today a bit fatties! There was joyous healthy eating and exercise to OH WOW the ad for Bruno's Truffles was just on I sooo need to go there.. ANYWHOOO

So yes who wants to know how healthy my day was...... *the sound of one hand clapping can be heard*

• Brekkie - Celeb Slim 4 him Vanilla Shake
• Snack - Blueberry snack bar
• Lunch - Sandwhich with healthy shit on it
• Snack - Muesli bar
• Dinner - Lean Cuisine chicken pasta thing
• Snack - Sticky date yogurt..

Oh how I do love a sticky date!

And my personal trainer yesterday thought he would be an absolute bastard and make me run around the oval in Dickson doing all sorts of crazy sprinting and jogging and boxing and OH GOD IT ALMOST KILLED ME!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 9

FAT SAUSAGE

Well not really but you know... A mental block seems to have been put into my mind since losing weight that prevents me from committing to any further 'challenges' as it would seem.

I say this because my one HUGE weakness came into my life last night. It was Pizza and it was AWESOME! OH stuffed crust and chicken wings dripping from my chin in an oily fatty mess.. Oh I could feel the calories and crap surging through my system, it was almost orgasmic... OK going to far.

Apart from that I actually ate quite well but -FAIL- I did not go to the gym -EPIC FAIL- Ba BOW!
However that can be this weeks indiscretion I guess (even though I said that last week when eating Chinese for dinner yet I still went on to have hot cross buns and various other bits of crap later in the week).
Still we shall see what the results of the challenge are in a few days!

• Brekkie - Toast with vegemite
• Snack - Muesli bar
• Lunch - Sand which with chicken, cottage cheese, carrot, avocado on cape seed bread
• Snack - Tuna and crackers
• Dinner - PIZZZAAA Fat lil piggy :P

I also snacked on some jelly snakes during the day to keep my sugar levels happy and healthy.
OH that pizza is just sitting in my gut like a giant egg..... I feel myself putting on weight as we speak.

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Diary Of A Skinny Bitch - Anti Vegan

I saw this suggested for me to watch on my main youtube page.. Looks like someone went the way of the Vegan suggested in the book "Skinny Bitch" - You know the one written by the two criminally insane vegetarians.

Anyways listen to her response..




Sooo It would seem that going Vegan did not allow her to lose any weight and unfortunately she still looks like a horse... What a shame.


Facebook readers will need to head to my blog spot to see the video :P
http://dingo84.blogspot.com/

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 8

Well we have dived head first into week 2 of this roller coaster ride of health and weight loss (I must stress I was not really trying to lose weight, just trying to see how much I could improve my body in 2 weeks through exercise and diet).

Oh and before I go on just a quick poll...... Who thinks the Skinny Bitch would like hot in a pair of spectacles??? Because starting next week I will have some lovely reading glasses! Prepare yourselves for "The Intelligent Bitch"

Moving right along....

I ate quite a fair bit of food today.. But all decent balanced stuff that I am not ashamed to report in my blog.
I am really starting to wonder why I have this need to advertise my food intake on the internet day in and day out. Does it seem weird to anyone else?

• Brekkie - Toast and vegemite and a tub of yogurt
• Snack - Muesli bar
• Lunch - Sand which, cape seed bread, ham, cottage cheese, carrot, avocado
• Snack - Blueberry bar
• Snack - Yogurt
• Dinner - Lean Cuisine tuna bake with an extra tin of tuna

Ohhh and I went to the gym where I pumped, pumped the jam pumped it up yo yo here we go..

• 5 minutes treadmill
• Leg rep - 4 sets of 10 reps and 4 lots of lunges
• 4 minutes rower
• Bench press (same sets and reps as before) and 4 lots of push ups
• Stepper 5 minutes
• Lat pull down and seated row (same sets and reps as before)
• Cross trainer 5 minutes
• Dumb bell shoulder press (3 sets of 10 reps)
• Back extensions
• Lots of crazy crunches
• Stretch and go home to pass out

That is the strength program I was given after completing the gyms fattness (fitness) challenge that I did last year. It is intense but I want to do it at least one more time before this weekend when I am destined to look like the most amazing skinny bitch ever.....

Wow... is that my own head up my ass??

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 7

Challenging myself has proven to be far to challenging. The strict dieting is to much on my health these days. All the exercise and the increased metabolism causes me to get sick when I restrict my calories to much. - Wow SKinny Bitch... You used to be funny! Now you just keep getting sick.

Having said that taking my multi vitamins has made me feel a lot better however I will need to get back to you on the whole sex drive and sperm count thing.

Also having said that I was just kind of over it today and let myself go a bit... Whilst I was out at DFO I had donuts... I also had hot cross buns at home and I had Noodle Choice for dinner. I am just a sucker for Pad Thai and don't you bring me down today.

On the plus side I went on a shopping spree today with a personal shopper who would put Trinny and Sussannah (spelling) to shame. And I was amazed at what I can wear now that I truly am a Skinny Bitch! After seeing myself in the mirror it may be time to just start dating myself, not that I am full of myself or anything but I was so do me in some of the clothes I tried on today!! Thanks to my hot lil personal shopper for a lot of great fun as well ;)

Oh yes I went to the bloody gym so quit your whinging and see my exercise goodness below.

• 15 minutes - Cross traininer strider thing
• 11 minutes - stepper machine
• 5 minutes - rower

Oh and there was food as well but I just can not be arsed posting it all when I have had as bad a day as I did today. But at least I am not feeling sick any more, DO YOU WANT ME TO BE SICK?

Ohhh and as promised there was a weigh in on Wii Fit this morning... Currently I come in at 83.5kgs yet Wii Fit STILL insists I am over weight... Seriously... Fuck You Nintendo!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 6

How to choose the right Mens Multi Vitamin - By The Skinny Bitch

Get yourself a reputable brand like I did when looking for some top quality Men's Multi vits today. I went with Blackmores as it was no doubt the company throwing extras at this particular pharmacy to stock their products over any others!
Next step is to find the Multi Vitaman that is right for you and your life style, so I went with the Active Men's MultiVitamin!! Yes indeed this is the daily vitamin pill for the busy man who works hard and plays harder. Helps give sustained energy for exercise and manage stress levels.
Final step is to make sure you are always getting that little extra something. For me with this particular choice it was the small print on the back that told me that taking this product MAY increase my sperm count and sexual performance!!
SOLD

It has been a while since I have counted my sperm but I am sure if I did I would probably feel like I need more.

So down to business.. As many know the Bitch has not been feeling well since commencing this 2 week challenge to end all challenges. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I can not eat the way I did when I was trying to lose weight back when I was a big kahuna weighing in at over 110kgs.
I need more iron on my diet I say! To complete this challenge I do not need to starve myself like I did in the old days simply take what I have learned about healthy balanced eating and exercise like a mutha fracker!

So on that note ignore the first thing I had in my list of eatings today.

• Brekkie - Celeb Slim vanilla shake
• Snack - Special K bar
• Lunch - Open burger at milk and honey (it says burger but it was a tiny piece of turkish bread with a shit load of salad and a tiny beef patty on top)
• Snack - Muesli bar
• Dinner - Satay chicken skewer things with some avocadoie salady thingy
• Snack - ForMe Yogurt NEW STICKY DATE FLAVOUR... I do love a stick date!
  

Then someone bought me some lindt chocolates to say thank you for something I did and who am I to say no to a nibble of those!!

OH AND KITTENS there was exercise today.... (yes that is right I called you all kittens).

• 15 minutes of treadmill
• 9 minutes of bike
• 3 minutes of cross trainer
• big stitch so I had to stop
• Some ab crunching ab exercises

Tomorrow I think I will need to wake up, defaecate then get on the Wii Fit for the Week 1 official weigh in!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Defecate does mean poo right?

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 5

The terrible thing about writing these blogs a day late is that I often forget what happened the day before.

I must declare fatties that yesterday was not the strongest day of the challenge.. I was still feeling under the weather and Friday is kind of my day for indulgences at work. Plus my illness prevented me from going to the gym in the afternoon however I promise you there will be much gyming over the weekend...

OH I am just going to blurt out all my indiscretions in one big bold line

CHICKEN PAD THAI NOODLES, 2 X KRISPY KREME DONUTS AND A SHIT LOAD OF GARLIC BREAD WITH MY SPAGGY BOLL FOR DINNER!

There I said it.. I don't really feel that the rest of my day needs explaining except to say that brekkie and all the rest were healthy options.

Oh and for the first time ever I am concerned about my ability to lose weight so quickly. I have lost almost 1.5kgs over the last 6 days?? What is up with that.

....The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 4

My legs are covered in mozzie bites! It is really freakin annoying to be constantly scratching myself whilst trying to type a blog entry.
The general feeling of leg that has been sucked dry by these vampires of the soul does not make feel one very healthy or skinny like, although it does kind of work with the bitch bit as I am feeling rather bitchy.
I did not go to the gym again today. Lately I have been missing 2 days a week and those are usually the days that Sean is out playing his sport. His sport that has a name, that I shall not mention! :P
However it will be back there tomorrow night and over the weekend for much fun and excitement.

So how fares the bitch today I hear you ask? Well I stepped on the master of Skinny Bitch monitoring this morning (Wii Fit) and it would seem I have somehow lost 0.9kgs in the last 4 days.... How is that even possible?? I seriously did not expect that throwing diet and exercise back under close observation for only a few days would cause that much of a difference? Am I some sort of freak? Perhaps my body really is just a calorie burning furnace that transfers all fat into sexy muscle in time for my very important party...
Who knows...

Food... Glorious food!

• Brekkie - Toast with vegemitus
• Snack - Same old musli bar (they came in a pack of 12 OK)
• Lunch - Tuna and crackers (lunch of champions really)
• Snack - Special K bar doohickie
• Minor Misdemenor - Dare double espresso iced coffee
• Dinner - Lean Cuisine Satay chicken noodles (lick the lips not the hips I say)
• Dessert - Little weight watchers ice cream lovely

What is that bit there in the tiny writing??? I say it must be a disclaimer that says if you make comment on what is in the tiny writing then you are a douche bag and quite possibly fat.

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 3

Wow.. back on Day 1 who would have thought I would have made it to day 3 of this wondrous challenge!! We have come so far, but baby baby, we got so far to go - Hairspray!

Today I totally felt all Diary Of A Skinny Bitch, the way my day worked out was very similar to the old days my friend.
For starters I did not go to the gym as I was still feeling a bit sick (much like how I did not go to the gym in the old days as I was a fat lazy prick). So to compensate for this I had a full on Celeb Slim Day. Not to the point where I only had shakes and a tin of tuna (well there was tuna in there somewhere but we will get to that), however I did follow a typical Celebrity Slim weight loss plan kind of day. And may I say THANK Ya mother that I am not committing to doing that for the next several months like I once did. My life back then was bland and without joy (amazing the joy food can bring).

So here is how it went down -

• Brekkie - Vanilla Celeb Slim 4 Him Shake
• Snack - Muesli bar
• Lunch - Celeb Slim READY 2 GO Choc Shake
• Snack - Tuna and water crackers
• Dinner - Lean Cuisine Tuna bake (with some extra plain tuna thrown in for protein)
• Dessert - Berry yogurt (that for some reason I took forever to eat, usually the contents of the tub is gone before the lid is ripped off)

Do you know what, I am not afraid to say it "I FREAKIN LOVE TUNA" I could eat that stuff until the cows come home, and usually I do! mooo...

I also thought I was going to go for a jog or a walk during my lunch hour today to get SOME exercise in, but due to my general under the weatheredness I simply sat and read a book. How the hell am I supposed to make something funny of reading a book for an hour?
I just can not so stop being so demanding!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 2

Day 2 of the challenge was filled with all kinds of outrageous peril! Including Chinese for dinner...


WHAT!!!!!!!!

Nah Nah, it is ok! chill out my brother from another mother!!
I did something unprecedented when enjoying Chinese for dinner. I had a SINGLE small serve. That is right I did not load up a huge plate with heaps of food. I had one plate, with a small amount of food on it which I enjoyed quite slowly as I have been feeling a touch under the weather, which is going to make completing the rest of this challenge interesting.

Oh yes and I promised some sort of measurements... I jumped on Wii Fit this morning and I currently weigh 84.5kgs. I seriously doubt I will lose any actual weight but would you believe that according to the BMI results on Wii Fit I am still JUST OVER the overweight line.. I lost 30 freaking kilos, how can I still be over weight?

So with that in mind I trotted along to the gym after work for my personal training session which ended rather bizzarely as I had to stop about 10 minutes early as I was feeling rather unwell. Whatever has been getting me down lately just took over and I simply had to stop. Weird.
On the plus side though my traininer commented on how much better I was doing... This made me giggle like a school girl, seriously!

Oh I also ate food today...

• Brekkie - Toast with vegemite
• Snack - Museli bar
• Lunch - Tuna sandwhich and a yogurt
• Snack - Blueberry fruit bar thingie
• Dinner - Chinese (small bowl - single server - shut the fuck up)

I guess the Chinese was my free meal for this week. What makes it easier at the moment though is that the mighty Seany is along for the ride. Go Seany I say, go seany!


...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenge - Day 1

Well today (and kind of yesterday as well) began the exciting Skinny Bitch 2 week challenges... I am going to go fully sick for two weeks to see how much of a difference I can make before the party of the century.. Coming in 2 weeks!!!

So as promised fat moles I went out shopping yesterday and grabbed lots of fat burning options to stop me from stuffing myself stupid on take away food (and also wasting a lot of money, I have stimulated the economy enough lately).

Yes indeedy, look what has returned to my life. No more huge Central Cafe style meals like the one above. It is shakes and frozen meals and delicious bars of fun for the next two weeks.. On top of that we have exercise routines coming out of my anus.. Yes that is right MY ANUS!

So lets go OLD SCHOOL SKINNY BITCH STYLE FOR TODAYS FUN AND GAMES!!

• Brekkie - Vegemite on cape seed toast and a tub of yogurt
• Snack - Strawberry muesli bar
• Lunch - Tuna sandwhich
• Snack - Special K bar
• Dinner - Weight watchers thai curry
• Dessert - Weight watchers portion controlled sunday

Follow that with some rather exciting CARDIO... Doesn't cardio just excite you..? It excites me.. Yes that is right it EXCITES ME!
Yesterday (being Sunday) I did the following.

• 15 minutes Treadmill
• 10 minutes Rower
• 10 minutes stepper
• 15 minutes bike
• 10 minutes Cross trainer

Yes that is right I did an hours worth of Cardio insanity... Fight that flab I say!!!
Then today it was half an hour of work off the stress of the day excitement...

• 15 minutes cross trainier
• 15 minutes treadmill - Running like a psycho!!!

WELLLL Don't I just sound motivated!! Come on a journey with me once again my friends, for the next 2 weeks I need your help and motivation to see what sort of results can come from just 2 weeks of crazy dieting and exericse!!!

I will post weight and measurements tomorrow as well...

...The Skinny Bitch!!

The Daily Bitch

Ohh. Now there is a nice sounding title... One thing that has hampered my blog since it's return is the constant change in title, and I do hear that people like consistency.
Well people can get over it and stop being so routine and boring all the time :P

So I have signed up for one of these Daily Booth Things. My Daily Booth page is as follows:

http://dailybooth.com/dingo84 -

So what do you do on daily booth? Why you take a picture of yourself each day with a webcam make some comments on it and you follow your friends pictures and make comments on there and basically if facebook, twitter and blogs did not let people look into our personal lives enough this now allows people to see what you look like first thing in the morning every day of your life!
And I love it! - See my second picture to the right ---->
I have recently become a social networking WHORE! Signing up for anything and everything that puts my chubby little face out there on the internet.
Why?
Because it makes me feel wanted and loved that is why! Sure you could argue that no one probably reads but I am ok with that and will continue to blog, twitter, facebook and daily booth until my fat heart is content.

Today the Skinny Bitch begins a 2 weeks challenge - A special count down of sorts if you will.

Skinny Bitch 2 Week Challenges - Day 1
Blog entry coming tonight :)

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitches Wellness Score

Ok so I am all about online health tests lately it would seem.

After last nights revelations of me being in danger of developing or actually already having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I decided to seek out something I trusted a bit more.

This is from like a corporate health website thingie that a lot of workplaces might use. I went through and answered a shit load of questions (yes truthfully) and it would seem that my overall score rated quite high..

One thing that was pointed out to me has me seeing rubber gloves being snapped onto an Indian doctors hands in my future...
Yes it would seem the old prostate is in need of a tickle... Any volunteers??

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Diary Of A Skinny Bitch - The Bitch Strikes Back

Ok Fatties.... This is the final straw!!! No more mr nice bitch!

There is something terribly wrong with me, I keep eating crap. I am going to the gym and eating normally for MOST of the day then all of a sudden

BAM - Indian for dinner
BAM - Chinese for dinner
BAM - PIZZA FOR DINNER!!! ARRRRR

I stepped on the scales and I was shocked to see weight creeping back on... This can not happen.. Do I want to turn into THIS AGAIN
>>>
I mean honestly look at that fat little piggy. Also with the rather important event I have coming up in 2 weeks time I can not be all fatty fatty 2 x 4 can't fit through the pink room door!

Wow... This must be what Sarah Michelle Gella felt like during Buffy (you know how she just sort of seemed to collapse in on her own skeleton by season 5 and 6).
I am a little bit celeb with my weight obsession.
However the point is that so much Skinny Bitch work went into losing 30kgs.. To have it come back just seems like a failure to me!!

So this is what yo biatch has got to do..
After the gym tomorrow:

1. Well at the gym it is a full 1 hour of cardio
2. Go to Woolies prepare for a healthy week with
3. Fruit
4. Vegies
5. Assorted healthy work snacks
6. Everyone's favourite - Weight Watchers frozen meals
7. Exercise twice a day for the next 2 weeks.
   

No No No... A fatty I shall not be!

...The MEGA Skinny Bitch!!

Diary of an OCD Bitch - My Diagnosis

So according to a questionnaire I answered at YourDiagnosis.com (which took almost an hour and I must admit I answered fairly truthfully) I have a more then 50% chance of suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Perhaps the same OCD that forces me to write these lame blogs each day.

This is the only report I got, if I wanted a full assesment I had to pay $12.. Dodgy!

Diary Of A Skinny Bitch - Still Here

I am in hiding a bit at the moment fatties... I know lately I have been saying fat sausage this and fat sausage that.. Well the fat sausage has been coming out a lot (as dirty as that sounds it is not intended to be so). I could be slipping back into old habits........

I have an important event coming up in 2 weeks that the Bitch must look spectacular for..

I am going to formulate a plan then report back in a day or two..

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Diary Of A Fat Sausage - Carb Loading Edition

Do you know what, I usually allow myself at least one day of freedom each week when it comes to the way I eat, however I just seem to love making that one day of Freedom EXTREME EATING DAY!!
Ok Well perhaps it was not that bad but let us analyze it in the old school Skinny Bitch perspective shall we?

Breakfast - Porridge with honey and goji berries (which don't seem to break down much as they digest.

Morning Snack - K time twist bar (strawberry and yogurt)

I know what your thinking.... Sounds ok, why yo calling yaself a Fat Sausage!
Let me assure you it all spirals out of control from here!!

Lunch - Massive box of Wok It Up satay chicken noodles dripping in sauce!!!
-Tub of yogurt for good measure.. The yogurt was supposed to follow the tuna sand which I took to work but hey when someone says the magic words 'Wok It Up' I respond with 'how hot'....yea I got nothing..

Afternoon snack - Museli bar yogurt top thing.......... I had a lot of yogurt shit today.

Dinner - Chicken Parmigiana served on a bed of FREAKIN SPAGHETTI!!

Who the hell has parmigiana served on spaghetti... The old Beluccis at Dickson! THATS WHO!
Now I would have loved it so much more if it did not take 3 hours to get in front of me.. Seriously I felt like I was going to bite the bitch waiters arm off when she finally bought it out to me I was so hungry..

Thank goodness for the great company (Martine if you are reading this is the perfect time to exercise your blogging skills and write up an entry on how the service SHOULD have gone).

What makes this the ultimate Fat Sausage day??? NO GYM!!

The End

...The Fat Sausage!!

Diary Of A Skinny Bitch - The bitch up in lights!

First of all I am proud to say that I have not been a Fat Sausage at all over the last few days. It has been special K (keeps ya looking good), tuna sandwhiches and responsible snacks all the way. However I did just have a tiny lindt chocolate but anyone who can be offered one of those deliciously tempting balls of joy and say no is a freak in my book and is most likely anorexic or crazy from syphilis.

Second of all I am over the moon that Sean now attends the gym with me (as those loyal enough to be following my Twitter would know) and I discovered something joyous when I was there with him on Sunday.
As we descended the hall after a flab fighting pump class Sean pointed out a wall of photos. Not just any wall of photos, this was a wall of photos of folk who finished the body transformation challenge. Readers of last years Skinny Bitch epic on Facebook would know that includes MY SELF! And low and behold there I was smack bang in the middle of it all I almost creamed my climacool shorts! Well ok I am not that self absorbed (ok well maybe I am) but come on.. Finally the Skinny Bitch has been recognised out in public. Regardless of whether there is nothing on this wall to indicate who I am or that I have a blog called the Skinny Bitch but hey I don't see your fat arse on the wall at the gym!!

Oh and speaking of Gym INSANITY I had to wake up at 5:45am today to get to the Gym on time for 6:15am PT session.
I did not wake up very well and was cursing myself for being in such a situation. I get to the gym and it turns out my session was not until 7:30am... As all the nerds are saying on the video game sites these days -EPIC FAIL-

Well that is it from me for another day.. Stay well and stay skinny!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Review - Men's Health Magazine February 2009 (Skinny Bitch)

Well when this month's testosterone monthly arrived in my mail box I was mighty impressed by the usual homo erotic specimen on the cover. I was all ready for an exciting romp through the realms of health, fitness, fatherhood, career, sex and ego stroking.
What I got however was about an hours worth of page flipping!
It all starts with a joyous romp of random stats and findings from research done at the University of who cares middle America (did you know in a recent survey of 10,000 women they found out that the sheilas are more interested in a man who is well groomed then one with big muscles and other appendages). Followed of course by glossy ad, glossy ad, glossy ad and ohh and add for Wii Music.
The initial advice section was a yawn, I usually kind of want to read through a lot of this but designating a new hump day for my wife and I to try new erotic things like playing 1 on 1 strip poker just does not seem to spike my radar (I can't imagine why). The only thing that seemed remotely interesting was the recipe for herb roasted chicken however smothering chicken in olive oil then 'bunging' it in the oven does not seem healthy to me.



Now after moving past the regulars was when I really started to get shitted off. Normally you are tortured by one ego stroking "I am a great father who can balance footy, career and an awesome sex life" kind of article. However this time I was treated to several page turning "Preseason footy tips" - you need stamina to be a real man and a great father.
"How to look after your health" - starting at the age of 30 then moving through your illustrious corporate career until you eventually drop dead from prostate cancer in your late 50s.
"Honey traps" - how to avoid the hordes of sluts out there that want nothing to do with you.
"Making sons shine" - I didn't even bother (oh look a picture of how to impress your son with some midlife crisis base playing).

OK finally an article I might find interesting... The science of Low GI foods... Oh wait.. another diet fad I should ignore.. NEXT!

Ok, so it went on like this for a while, I do however intend to make healthy turkey burgers!!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Skinny Bitch RIP OFF

Even though the vegan WHORE in this video stole my original idea (and took it in a very different direction) some of the ideals in her book are not all that bad, even if she herself is some what conspiracy mad!

Let us compare how things are done in Rory's book "The Skinny Bitch" to how things were done in "Diary Of A Skinny Bitch."

"The Skinny Bitch"

• Eat nothing but organic food
• Do not eat any animal products
• Poo normally and regularly
• Freak out because the government is trying to fuck us over by making sure that any food that is not 100% vegan will fuck you over.
  
• Be a lesbian, it is great!
  
• Ok.. maybe I made that last one up.

"Diary Of A Skinny Bitch"

• Eat artificial diet shakes sold in dodgy franchised pharmacies.
• Overload yourself on mercury laced tuna and salmon.
• Over indulge once a week but be sure that you can induce diarrhea the next day to clear it up.
• Join a gym and have some rather attractive personal trainers teach you.
  
• Educate yourself and take in different ways of doing things to mold a lifestyle that suits your own health and body.
• That last one was semi serious and better then anything that mad cow Rory would try and shove down your organic throat.

So if you have not watched her video yet go ahead and do so now.. Be sure to check some of the related stuff to see her rabbiting on about various other vego bull shit.

...The Skinny Bitch!!


Yes I realise that I claimed to 'eat' a diet shake!

Diary Of A Skinny Bitch - How funky is your sausage?

It would seem I hung true to my word and maintained my fat sausage status over the course of the weekend.
There has been BBQ goodness and pasta salads in my recent history and I long got past the whole term 'salad' meaning 'healthy.' There are sausage rolls and meat pies out there better for you then a serve of Woolworth's Creamy Pasta Salad (but God it tastes good on a white bread roll with some BBQ chicken).
Anyone noticing that a few months ago I was blogging about my attempts to lose weight (which i did) but now it is almost like I am desperately trying to find it all again? FAT SAUSAGE I say!!

Well not really.. For the most part I am a lot better off, my weight does not shift in an upwards fashion however I seemed to have lost sight of my goals. The Skinny Bitch needs to become a Muscle Mary and not just stay a fat sausage!!
That is where your inspirational comments come in handy fatties.. GET WITH IT PLEASE!!


So what else happened this weekend.. oh yes BIRTHDAY CAKE.. Horrid evil delicious birthday cake that feels so good as it enters your aptly named 'cake hole' and digests in a cake like fashion.
What kind of cake I hear you ask?
Black forest cake from the cheese cake shop, I hear me answer!
3 pieces over the course of two days is not that bad....

Oh and I have fantastic Skinny Bitch news!!! Seany McHorny as joined me at the gym for the first time ever. Sapping off my membership and coming along for a pump class, the boy now has his own membership card and is going to start attending with me for some fitness insanity!!

Join me in giving a big round of applause to Northside Fitness Centre's latest victim!

...The Skinny Bitch!!

Happy Birthday To The Fat Sausage

What kind of a freak gets up at 5:45 on the day of their birthday to go to a personal training session at the gym.
This fat sausage of a freak.. Thats who!!!
The day started innocently enough (with the gym and all) plus there was much healthy eating until lunch time when someone said 'wok it up' and I was like HELL TO THE YES!! Ohh Satay Chicken good ness..
Of course I had to get the large but you can all eat shit as it was my birthday.. So that also excuses the coconut slice I had from Michels Patisserie and the double espresso iced coffee I got in the afternoon :P

Ohhh and the large amounts of curry I consumed for dinner (that was the same colour coming out as it was going in) probably did not help either..

I guess the fact that the first few posts of my resurrected blog have been about the fat sausage is not overly encouraging! But quite frankly you can get over it because I do plenty of exercise and it is my birthday weekend so expect plenty of more fat sausages over the next few days...

Off I flutter into the window now to prepare for my birthday BBQ this evening.. see you there fatties!

...The Fat Sausage/Skinny Bitch

What's a girl to do - Fat Sausage Post

So here is how it goes... When I have a bad day we have a Fat Sausage.. When we have a good day we have a Skinny Bitch!!

Today we defiantly had a FAT SAUSAGE.. It started out OK, I was running late for work so downed a Celeb Slim 4 Him Double Choc Shake (it is the extra protein that makes me smack my lips in excitement).

However it went down hill at lunch time... OH THEY WERE GOING TO THE YUMMY CAFE THAT DOES THE NICE FOCCACIAS!! YOU try and say no to a nice foccacia!

Well that is not that bad bit, anyone following my twitter would have seen that the bad bit was the hot chips..

I went to the gym after work had a decent workout, then came home and had a weight watchers meal...

But hang on a second I hear you ask...
I thought you said you had a fat sausage day, this sounds a bit skinny bitch to me. Surely the exercise makes up for the hot chips with lunch..

Well it would I hear me answer..
If it were not for the fact that when I was offered some WICKED WINGS at about 9pm I just could not say no..
But you do not understand!! There was a cat in hospital and dramas dramas and it is my birthday tomorrow so shut ya cake hole...

I call it your cake hole because I know so much cake goes in it..

oohh I hope I get a birthday cake off someone!!

...The Fat Sausage!!

I can not spell FAR KAR SHA!!

Skinny Bitch Social Networking

OMG Fatties..

How could we all forget the Skinny Bitch Social Network Site http://skinny-bitch.ning.com/

Talk about a failed social experiment.. No one really wanted anything to do with it, including me. I kind of just forgot to keep posting on it..
I wonder if I can share my blogs from here on there...

Would I do it as the Dingo or the Skinny Bitch.. That is the question...
Go check it out if you want a great recipe for spicy turkey mince that I stole from somewhere else!

...The Skinny WHORE!

How to stay a bitch?

So here I am... Several days months and years after my final Skinny Bitch entry.. The 100+ day journal that thrilled and entertained the fat masses and inspired many to start on their own skinny journey (for about a week).

So what have I been doing with myself I hear you ask?
Not a great deal, I hear you answer.

I seriously wonder how someone is supposed to keep up the momentum of all this mega health and fitness crap...
Not that I have put on weight but I feel like I am starting again every single freakin week. I go to work on a Monday with a healthy lunch packed saying that I can do this! The gym bag is in the back of the car and it is going to be a fresh week of Skinny Bitchness...

However by Tuesday I have had pizza for dinner and missed the gym several times..

Why do I hear you ask?
Because I am mildly retarded and have lost my sense of commitment, I hear me answer.

What is missing from my life? Why did I eat nothing but crap last weekend (chicken and pasta salad and frozen custard yummmm, not all in the same bowl of course).

What is missing - MY BLOG IS WHAT IS MISSING... Oh how blogging each night kept me on track.. Oh the sense of superiority I had over you all as I shrunk and shrunk whilst you found all the weight I had been losing..

Right before I piss you all off before I even begin let me say that I am back.. To journal how one manages to maintain a large amount of weight loss instead of yo-yoing back and forth like so many do..

My current weight is between 84 and 85kgs and I manage to get to the gym about 3 times a week (one of those times being a personal training session). However I don't really push myself like I once did.

Oh and you can forget all that day crap.. This is just going to be me writing down the crap as it happens.. Stimulating the creative part of my brain like Kevin Rudd stimulating the economy before it dies (see what I did there? That is some witty modern political reference there - funny shit).

Ohhh and this is going to be spread over several websites..

I am now on Blogspot, Facebook, Twitter and soon to be youtube!!

I shall link it all up here for anyone who gives a shit :)

...Dingo Skinny Bitch!!

Getting started

Right so I went to get into some serious blogging.. Much like I did on the skinny bitch on Facebook..

Now how do I transfer my Skinny Bitch blog from FaceBook.. To here